time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
