where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
