so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
