Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
