my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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