I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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