Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize