He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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