he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
