The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
