I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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