So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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