eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
