i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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