I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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