nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
