yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
