i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
