I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
