my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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