just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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