I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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