I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
