fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
