All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
this hospital has no fireball
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
