She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
