I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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