just come out here and I will go home with you...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
