508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
