just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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