ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
