We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
