Apparently you make a good broom.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
