I wish I could teleport
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
