so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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