hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Still dying that you shit outside
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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