Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
