You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
