i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm like, not good at living.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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