my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize