I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize