how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
