So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
