I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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