It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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