i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
