I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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