When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
