I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize