is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
