I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize