Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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