Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize