Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
