she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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