Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
