The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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