Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
