so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
