today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize