I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
