I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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