Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize